This is hard to answer succinctly. I don’t speak for Women of the World, just myself.
Generally, if the guys in a group ride can avoid sexualizing, romanticizing, or infantilizing my presence, we’ll get along fine. I’ll be wearing Lycra for the same reasons the guys are wearing Lycra, I’ll be there to ride, and I’ll be confident enough in my ability that I showed up.
Maybe a good starting point: Assume a woman you haven’t met shows up to the ride with exactly the same set of possible motivations as a man you haven’t met who shows up to the ride. She wants to go fast, she wants to challenge herself, she wants to compete, she wants to train, she wants to check out new routes, she wants to learn, she wants to see the countryside, she wants to geek out on bike tech, she wants to hang out with people who like bikes, etc. Base your interactions with her on that assumption. Maybe it’s wrong and she is looking to flirt or date or hook up, but there’s plenty of time to find that out after you’ve established a neutral baseline.
Well, I think it’s safe to assume that any woman that shows up to a group ride and keeps up is, gasp, there primarily to ride a group ride.
Now, of course, women do date, and many date men, and many men date women. So at some point romantic advances from one side or the other can be expected to be made…and I think that is fine too as long as it is kept within the normal bounds of non creepy socially acceptable public interaction. On THAT…ie dating in general, I really cant offer any advice for either side, regardless of the fact I somehow ended up not only dating a woman but married for 10 years…
I’d add that I think it’s safe to assume men turn up on a group ride for the exact same reason. Let’s face it, no one gets in to cycling to meet women.
The problem with unwanted romantic attention, I think, is the fact that it is unwanted. And it is therefore less about the circumstances. I dare say most of us wouldn’t care about the circumstances if we received romantic attention that we DID want.
The real question here, what planet do you live on where women show up to group rides? Can I visit? haha. As a hetro, cis male, I find very little potential there :). If however, I had a different orientation…
As men, we might look in the mirror and at each other, and think, “damn, we sure look good in our lycra kits”.
But the reality is that we look like a bunch of wussy aliens wearing “spandex” and are highly undesirable to the average XX-chromosomed human.
A lady on a bike might be a bit more understanding of our look, but the reality is that the situation is the exact opposite for her. Not only does her kit make her physically desirable to bike geeks, but also to men walking and driving down the same road.
So in conclusion, if a man were to cheat, it’s probably not happening while out on the bike.
No. If she shows up, assume she’s there to ride. If she can’t keep up, assume she’s there to ride and now knows she needs either some training or a different group (just like a man who can’t keep up would). Don’t assume she’s there to do anything other than ride.
Don’t use this as your starting point for interacting with a woman who just showed up to a group ride, whether she keeps up with you or not.
I see plenty of men who show up at group rides who I am confident saying are much more interested in cafe stops and socializing than riding bikes.
It’s not a gender thing. Everybody has differebt motivations for what they do.
Also, I’m not sure what you mean by ‘starting point’ for interacting. I was simply illustrating that men and women date. It happens somehow…and I would assume it would happen on coed group rides as well.
Edit: Actually I’ll acknowledge the ‘and keep up’ came across poorly. I meant that typically female riders are smaller, and especiallg here, need to work harder than the typical male to keep up on a ride here, which is virtually always pan flat. I was implying that the average female that hangs on a group ride is more serious about cycling than the average male who hangs on a group ride.
It is almost always us men who seem to have a problem keeping our emotions in check and simply not act on every impulse that comes to our minds. Especially if you are in a happy relationship, why would it be so hard to resist the urge to make awkward advances or inappropriate jokes?
Also, being social in a mixed gender environments can mean many things. I asked one female team mate who is a kickass hill climber (she placed 2nd in her first race and usually podiums) and used to run marathons for advice on how to get my wife started in running (she toys with the idea to sign up for a 5k, and I am trying to be supportive). You can talk about gear, ask for advice if you have problems in relationships or at work, etc.
Will there be cases when two compatible people meet and they find they are mutually attracted? Sure. But that is the exception rather than the rule.
(Has she tried a couch-to-5k program? I’ve got an app on my phone that tells me when to run and when to walk, super gentle introduction, I’ve been having a blast as somebody who once owned I hate running as part of my identity. There’s a great subreddit too!)
Who do you know that uses romantic advances as the first move when introducing themselves to a woman on a group ride? It must be a large majority of your male friends if you consider it appropriate to be advising men on the internet how to conduct their social life.
There is a lot of context to this (seven-month-old) thread that I’m assuming you’ve skipped. I’m not particularly interested in belaboring points like “sometimes men and women date”, so I’ll leave you all to it from here.
I realise it makes it easier for you to dismiss me by assuming (incorrectly) that I haven’t read the rest of the thread, not to mention the “sometimes men and women date” point which I did not make and belittles a much more important and nuanced position that you don’t seem to be interested in.
I’ve made multiple other posts in this thread that challenge your perspective and you haven’t had much to say about those either.
Thanks for the advice. I’ve downloaded the C25K app for her. I hope she’s I think she’ll really get serious once she has registered for the run. My wife’s really been taking up sports. Up until the birth of our child she didn’t like any activity that would cause her to sweat. But she got back pain and she signed up for a gym. Now she’s going 2-3 times a week, and if she starts running, perhaps she’ll pick up cycling eventually … (Even if not, I’m glad she’s doing something for herself.)
People are people. Some turn up for the training, some for the beer, some to talk bikes, some to moan about their partners not giving them enough time to ride their bikes and as a woman I have met other women who are overtly flirting. Best not to generalise and make assumptions.
Possibly something that some men may not be aware of, is how vulnerable a woman can feel riding in the woods with a group of men, potentially in the dark. A passing and potentially humorous comment can feel different than it typically for some women in that context.
Treat us like you would want a group of men to treat your sister.
I would also say, as a woman, I have learnt alot about male emotions and what can be difficult for you guys. That has been a positive experience for me and I appreciate the insight.
I’ve had just the opposite experience. Almost all the females I’ve rode/raced with could leave you in the dust. Their talents ranged from Olympians and World Champions to uber strong amateurs (one woman I raced with 20 years ago just finished VERY high up (no pun intended) in the Taiwan KOM Challenge standings! Most male cyclist don’t have the stamina to perform at that high of a level for that long of a time (pun intended)).
Just because they are female it doesn’t mean 1) they are weaker than you, and/or 2) they want you to hit on them.
I’ve downloaded the C25K app for her. I hope she’s I think she’ll really get serious once she has registered for the run. My wife’s really been taking up sports. Up until the birth of our child she didn’t like any activity that would cause her to sweat. But she got back pain and she signed up for a gym. Now she’s going 2-3 times a week, and if she starts running, perhaps she’ll pick up cycling eventually … (Even if not, I’m glad she’s doing something for herself.)