Training with the opposite sex

Ok folks here is a question. But first a little background male been married to the same woman for over 30 years. Had a friend who a few years ago was accused of cheating on his wife with a training partners ( the training partner wanted it him not so much). Ok so my main out door riding group consists of a even mix of guys and girls. Most of the girls are single most of the guys are married myself included. I’ve found that including my non cycling wife in most if not all of our social interactions seems to make her more acceptable to the fact that I’m spending a lot of time with other women ( Whilst training) more acceptable (it also helps that my wife has become friends with my main training “girlfriends”) so has anyone else found that the wife or husband has a problem with them spend time wither the other person. This is just for conversation and possibly helping us figuring out ways to help our significant others feel more comfortable with us being around others as I know from experience that things can get ( not in a cheating or unethical ) way.

2 Likes

And just for clarification the one thing that I do is when ever a new training partner is introduced into to our group if I think that that person male or female is going to be a fit with the group I find an excuse to introduce them to my wife I’ve found that this makes her more comfortable with the time I spend away from my wife

I guess in the end it is all about trust. You should never lie to your wife or hide things from her. If she has the slightest doubt that you are not always telling the truth, this doubt will grow over time and you will end up with a problem.

Make sure to show her that you care about her needs (whatever these are).

My wife can always unlock my phone, I am not hiding anything. She can always see my GPS position (Google Latitude) on Google Maps. But both of of you should be aware that reading your partners messages will poison your own thoughts since often communication happens on multiple channels and you are missing some important pieces of information.

Just my 2 cents

11 Likes

I think my husband would rather I had an affair with another cyclist than hang around the house in a mood every weekend because I couldn’t ride.

22 Likes

LOL!! Thats about how my wife is, her words… “Please go out and ride, Please just get out of the house for a while”

But we have a very open trusting relationship and married for 26 years. She is not a fan of anything that does not involve reading a book and understands MTB is a passion of mine, other female cyclists are not even a blip on her radar…

3 Likes

This day and age having friends of the opposite gender is normal, and it is only as awkward as you make it out to be. Making friends of the opposite gender is just fine. Spending time with them because you enjoy their company (in a friendship context) is fine.

You seem very clear about not being interested in other women, so this is mainly a matter of trust between you and your wife. You should be open and honest — don’t hide the fact that you are riding with other women or that there is a new woman that has joined your rides. Once you get used to it, you don’t awkwardly “have them meet your wife” just so that you tick boxes. If you integrate your wife into the non-cycling activities of your club (e. g. the occasional BBQ), they will meet your riding buddies, male and female alike.

5 Likes

No trust issues here as a matter of fact my wife actually does more with the ladies I train with than I do. It funny the first thing I did was introduce her to all of them and there was an instant friend ship. I believe that it has to do with having a friend outside of the culture.

2 Likes

Sex during a group ride is too impractical to be an issue, no? You’ll almost definitely get dropped… :thinking:

28 Likes

Surely you’d be trying to get picked up?

1 Like

Disclaimer: Everyone lives there own lives and see things there own ways.

My wife and I agree that there is no such thing as platonic relationships between people of the opposite sex - somewhere in there, one or both are interested in copulating.

That doesn’t mean they will, of course. It also doesn’t mean there aren’t other non-sexual factors involved.

5 Likes

I would add to your statement that for you there is no such thing as a platonic relationship between people of the opposite sex. Many of my very close friends are of the opposite sex and/or LGBT, and with three exceptions there was never any temptation to cross the barrier. Indeed, with most it was clear from both sides that there was no interest beyond friendship.

So I think this point of view is extremely limiting and does not reflect the rich reality of human connections. In Japan (where I live) this attitude is extremely common and the interactions between men and women are by and large extremely awkward in any setting. That is especially true if e. g. women are in a position of authority because these do not (cannot) fit into this simplistic scheme. Allowing for more nuance broadens your horizon to more input.

Again, you do what is best for you and your relationship, but IMHO if you look at other people, I find it hard to believe that you can come to the conclusion that there is no such thing as a platonic relationship between people who could be attracted to one another.

14 Likes

I started this just to get a conversation started and get different opinions on the subject…it has worked. I k ow what works for us and introducing any new that come into my group of training partners is what I do. It doesn’t matter if they are male or female. And most of us do go out with our significant others meeting us after rides

1 Like

This, to me, is really weird.

29 Likes

Does ‘Training With the Opposite Sex’ eventually lead to ‘Training as a Parent’? :thinking::man_shrugging:

13 Likes

Agreed. I’ve read some crazy things on the forum but this is out there. Everyone has their own opinion at all but I totally disagree with this.

5 Likes

That no platonic relationship with the opposite sex thing sounds like some seriously jealousy/lack of trust issues.

7 Likes

I have always had a mix friendship group and some of my closest friends “are of the opposite sex”. " in commas as it almost seems like a silly comment to say.

I have been in the relationships without trust and they SUCK, with my last partner I had to watch where I stood in a group of friends, ie not next to females. (funny enough this didn’t last)

I trust my partner and she trusts me.
It makes our lives much easier, I actively talk about the the people I train with, and often invite her down to coffee, as she knows a few of them.

If anyone needs to be worried its me,… she plays soccer and trains with the woman’s circus. :wink:

2 Likes

I’ll be the first naive schmuck to ask…what exactly is a “woman’s circus”? :neutral_face:

Supportive and inclusive circus training for women only.
Im sure you can guess the community. :wink:

for some reason she wanted to build upper body and core strength. we are cyclist who needs upper body strength. :wink:

1 Like

hmm, interesting discussion. I don’t think this is exclusive to cycling. We often spend more time with the other people (and opposite sex) in all parts of our lives. Just think about work alone. I spend over 40 hrs per week with the opposite sex .

My wife has never had reason to be jealous or concerned. she has never asked about who i have been spending time with.

I think there are trust issues here fore sure. The question to ask is "what have i done to give my wife reason to be concerned?

That being said, I would love to have the same interests, passions and hobbies as my wife. So we could do it together. But we don’t. So we make time for each other.

2 Likes