Thanks for the supportive words!
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I’ve also got life events that have sapped my desire to train, or do anything really. Over the years, I haven’t found a way to keep training consistent while under a lot of emotional strain. I’d say the best thing is to aim for returning to your normal daily schedule, good sleep and nutrition, and you’ll naturally want to train again when the time is right.
Making annotations in the TR calendar takes away some of the ‘guilt’ 
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Sorry for your loss. Give yourself time and don’t be hard on yourself if you take time off.
Time is the healer, and I’m sure you’ll find motivation again. There’s really no need to force it, be kind to yourself.
Hello, I’m so sorry for the loss of your best buddy. I am pretty experienced at grief, though I have never done structured training through it. I started training after. However, I rode, skied, boated, all the things…with my hubby and I had to learn how to do them my own way, without him, even though all of those things were so closely associated with him.
It sounds like your trainer is just that.
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I agree: definitely move your trainer. You do not need to look at the grave or be in the same literal space as you were used to w/ your buddy in the room.
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Give yourself a couple weeks to just do what makes you feel good…but do something! Take a long brisk walk or hike, try to get your HR into zone 2 then it will have a cross training effect perhaps. But it will undoubtedly help your mental health. It’s worth putting on your calendar to hold yourself accountable, but don’t beat yourself up if you can’t handle threshold or sweetspot workouts. They will come.
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Try to find a group ride at least once a week. Remember the joy of cycling. Take on the challenge of learning how to ride when the weather is crap. I don’t know where you live, but if you are anywhere near snow, look to see if there is a fat biking community, rent a bike. It’s a lot of fun.
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Cut yourself some major slack and know that this, too, shall pass. The sharpness of grief is softened by time, and trust that you have the strength to keep yourself healthy and find joy even through this loss.
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It’s perfectly normal for you to be grieving hard, and it’s also perfectly normal for the process to take far longer than most will imagine. You gotta be you. You obviously had a very special connection to this cat, as did many of the other posters here had to their pets. Honor it! Hurt, grieve, cry, obsess and solidify those memories. Pack them up into a beautiful story that you will never forget. It’s going to take longer than you think, but you will be ok soon enough. It’s all about time.
My dog passed 2 years and a month ago and I’m STILL devastated. (Couldn’t type that line without my eyes welling). I had to start taking long walks, as I just could not summon the vinegar needed for a turbo session. Then all of a sudden I could.
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Another bit of lightness I found at some point during my process:
Was definitely my feelings at times as I felt drowned in my feelings stacking up. Which is a terrible description and shocking English but you get the gist.
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Sorry for your loss! I still miss one dog that passed two years ago, hang in there and know that one day their memories will make you smile instead of cry. Training will be waiting when you’re ready.
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But those little (and big) guys get deep into our hearts and lives. They become integral to our existence, and even with the next one, I tried to not get ‘invested’ but how can a person not.
I put down a dog that we had for a long time. That dog went everywhere with us, and several moves too, and was always up and ready for whatever was going on. He was a team player and loved being with us. He was literally like another partner in our lives. He felt the ups and downs.
The day we put him down was a shock. He had stomach cancer and it wasn’t until I saw an earlier picture of him and looked at the ‘now’ that we decided to save him more pain so we scheduled the time. Then one night he had horrible stomach issues, and we knew it was past time suddenly. Far too suddenly. Our vet is a great guy. We called and relayed his condition and was able to get him for that next day lunch hour. He was surrounded by most of the staff that took care of him, and, if you believe in it, crossed the rainbow bridge with so many friends there.
And the next day a client said ‘Yeah, but he was only a dog’… If I’d had a baseball bat…
What kind of monster… That’d be like telling grieving parents ‘well he was only a child’.
NOTHING to feel embarrassed about! NOTHING! They all are family! And I still find myself grieving my grandfather, on occasion, who passed it 1983. He was into tech of the time, and would be blown away by the stuff we have. He wanted a computer after reading about them for years, and was waiting for a HeathKit computer, which was the first computer I built in college. Emotions are strange things. If we bottle them up, they tend to come pouring out when we least expect them to. And for people that can keep them bottled up, it just seems to rot the soul in the worst ways.
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Thanks! He sounds like a brilliant dog. And what you’re saying about how he was part of your lives goes for me too. The cat was a great companion during covid. I used the time to teach her silly tricks like a dog. And she also moved abroad with me for a year. So a big part of my sadness is the companioship, but there is also something about how time passes.
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Thanks! You’re right, of course
I’m very sorry for your loss. This is great advice, thanks for taking the time. I will go for a group ride today. It will be good to hang out with people and it’s really been a while.
Thanks! I’m sorry about your dog. A friend who has had many dogs told me that the grief at first is very sharp but then passes more quickly than grief for humans. That made sense to me and I hope that’s true.
I don’t have much to add here except solidarity. My dog (7 1/2 years old) got sick last March … it turned out to be an acute terminal illness that moved fast, and he was gone by early April.
I didn’t feel like riding … and I certainly didn’t feel like being on the trainer. I was significantly grieving, but after really grinding out some major gains over the winter I found myself in the very unfamiliar position being ready to race but being completely, emotionally detached from the need/want to train or compete. All of this was complicated by the fact that I have a daughter, and Jake (our dog) was essentially a therapy dog for her through the loneliness of the pandemic. So while I was grieving, I was also helping her with her loss as well.
As far as cycling goes, it really threw my whole year off, but in the end I don’t know that I would have/could have done anything different. I would find myself in the middle of a ride and my eyes would suddenly well up with tears.
Looking back, I think the thing I really made a mistake about was that I felt a little ashamed of my grief. Some people are so cavalier about the loss of a pet, and others (like me) feel like it’s like the death of a family member. Neither is right or wrong … just different. But my embarrassment (for lack of a better word) probably delayed the grieving/recovery process.
So my 2c: give yourself the time and space you need and be kind to yourself. Personally, I did find that group rides (something I don’t regularly participate in) really helped me because on the bike I generally love being alone with my thoughts, but being alone with my thoughts wasn’t helping me at all during that time.
There is no textbook for this … but I will say that if you know cycling is going to be important to you in the near/mid future, try to see through the pain and give yourself a nudge to get on the bike … if it doesn’t feel right, then stop and try tomorrow. If it feels good, give it a good dig … sometimes the pain felt cathartic.
I’m a little inclined toward the literary and/philosophical end of the spectrum in terms of how it think, and there is a Greek term called “palingenesis” which connotes “rebirth through fire” … somehow I found that term comforting and it fit neatly into my brain as far as the juxtaposition of cycling and grief. Point being, if at some point you can re-center your brain to look at things a bit different it can help.
I’m sorry for your loss. Good luck 
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I’m so sorry for your loss!
Our cat was about 15 years old (with us for a bit more than 10 after getting him from a shelter) and died a good two years ago. I still miss him. grieving for a pet sometimes feels a bit lonely and strange, as many people don’t seem to be able to empathize to the same extent as they would if you were dealing with the death of a human family member. Your grief is valid. So if you’re asking for advice I would suggest you allow yourself these feelings. I am glad that there are so many people in this thread who appreciate your situation.
I liked this piece by sloane crosley in the new yorker (“the tail end”) that deals with this.
Bonus cat picture of us training, early 2020. favourite cat spot on top of the radiator
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Thank you! Yes, I really appreciate the kind comments. I think generally people don’t talk much about their feelings when a pet dies, but quite a few people have opened up to me when I mentioned it.
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Thank you! That’s really helpful. I’ll think about this concept and what it could mean for me
I’m a little inclined toward the literary and/philosophical end of the spectrum in terms of how it think, and there is a Greek term called “palingenesis” which connotes “rebirth through fire” … somehow I found that term comforting and it fit neatly into my brain as far as the juxtaposition of cycling and grief. Point being, if at some point you can re-center your brain to look at things a bit different it can help.
I totally feel your loss. One of the reasons I sold my house in 2020 was because I knew my dog wasn’t going to make it much longer (had another 9 months with him), and I simply could not face coming home to an empty house. Got the house when he was less than a year old, and we lived there over 13 years. Loosing him was heartbreaking, and to be honest, I’m not completely over it 4.5 years later. I did the opposite, tho - I buried myself in training, to the point I was too tired to stay awake thinking of him at night. Hang in there. It does (slowly) get less painful. Whenever I feel sad about him, my best coping device is to think of his silly grin and something funny he would do to make me crack up
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I am so sorry for your loss. I don’t have kids but 4 years ago got a doggie named Hercules and every day many times I just melt with my love for him and it gives me a little insight into what my husband must feel about his kids. I wish it were not for the reason of losing your cat but this thread makes me see how human we all are, especially when highlighted by the love of our little furry friends. Hoping you take it easy and I bet your loved one will, at some point soon, be your inspiration and make you stronger.
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For anyone reading this now: it’s not wrong to get another companion after a loss. I got a smaller, shy one, and his presence really made the transition easier. I reached out to Wellness Wag for a short talk with a therapist who specializes in the human–animal bond. It helped me see that grieving and opening up to a new connection can happen at the same time. Training came back gradually, but without feeling like I was forcing it.
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I’m really glad to hear that things are improving for you.
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