Race Report by Andrew age 50 and half who is now a OUTLAW.
(Warning this is longer than I thought it would be, but I have nothing better to do as I am still feeling like a 80 year old who needs a zimmer frame and is stuck in a care home)
So the big day, its was a long time in the making maybe 3 years of plodding along, but that’s a different story and one to be told around a campfire on Halloween after a few rums and singing of sea shanty’s (I actually get sea sick in the bath but do like a good sea shanty)
So Race day approaches, and like everyone else I panic buy wind/rain proof gear on the Thursday due to impending biblical monsoon Armageddon the weather forecast was telling everyone we would be racing in, of course the totally opposite happened and it ended up being hot as balls to coin phrase.
Transition day on Saturday was very relaxing affair, I could tell I was the only one who actually read the pre-race briefing as I was the only one who turned with with 3 separate pre sorted Aldi bags and struggle with pushing a bike through 1.5km transition line. Who is the fool I thought with all the strange looks I got you all should have read the race briefing and watched the video at least 12 times So bike racked, bags sorted only to find the rain cover I bought for the bike was left at home in that special place where you put stuff not to forget only to forget it. Now would also be a good time for the little Outlaw group MVH setup where I could ask all my stupid questions from the folk who actually know what they are doing, Big thanks it was great to have all your help.
Bumped into Team Bennet and Team Owen for a chit chat, a cool photo of the three of us and listen to Nathan complain about the how the burger he bought was utter rip off and still gave his chips away to Duke In other words perfect for calming all my nerves.
A early night and I even managed to get a good 5-6hrs sleep ready for a 3.30 AM alarm call breakfast and the drive over to Nottingham, everything so far is going like clockwork a well oiled machine some might say. I get changed into the wetsuit a meander through through transition load the bike up with Nutrition, fill the water bottles all nice and calm and ready to go, bump into Nick B and say hello and the first error of the day raises its head…. Forgot to put Vaseline on prior to donning the wetsuit… Oh well to late now not point in worrying about it, your going to be sore the next day anyway what the hell. I Wander off to the holding pen for the swim start and Nathan is around chugging down coca cola caffeine gels like a new york crack addict and tries to pass onto me his evil wares I am not having any of it, I have not weaned myself off caffeine for the past 3 months suffering Fruit teas just to blow it before the longest swim I have ever done in my life no that hit will be needed much later in the day.
The Swim
The scene is set, your group numbers are called and you wander off to the start-line like lambs to the slaughter however I more remember my baby like soft feet being beat up by the hard cutting tarmac of Holme Pierpoint getting to the swim start itself and very little if any nerves, My plan and goal was for 90mins, not having swam much due to covid and getting knocked off the bike 4 weeks before Outlaw with a busted nose which prevented me wearing swim goggles didn’t help either, so slow and sensible was the approach to be had and it worked, before I knew the swim was over in 89 mins with the entire time spent working out in my head what flavour cliff bar to have first and the pros and cons of putting on your bike helmet before your shoes (Alas I never did get a definitive answer on this one). Again my softer than roll of expensive Cushell toilet paper feet suffered the tarmac of Holme Pierpoint. I somehow managed get me to the sanctuary of the grass transition area where I wolfed down a blueberry cliff bar and watch in amazement and jealously as someone eats a luke warm sausage bagel wrapped in tinfoil, it was the nicest smelling sausage bagel ever.
The Bike
This is wear things started to go wrong…. Got the mount line only to discover I forgot to actually put the bike computer on the bike second mistake of the day. Some quality cussing by myself due to my own stupidity I decide to leave it behind and crack on, you can use your watch instead, We are off on away or so we thought the second corner of the lake is over and we have a long straight so its time to move up the gears…. Or not as it turns out.
The front derailier breaks, the little screw in the front mech cage snaps somehow, the little plastic bit it sits decides to get caught up and its then pulls the entire cage out of kilter and its impossible to shift up into the big ring. I carry on working the problem in my head, at least we are moving forward and the thought of calling it day enters my head its over… The bike at this point is making some serious metal on metal noises and I cant bear it any more, people are trying to be helpful but by the time you answer they are 400m down the road, but its the thought that counts right I bodge the front mech, we are stuck in the big ring for the entire 111 miles and that’s 15mins wasted fixing it. The metal on metal is bad but not as bad as before and we are off, having lived in Nottingham for a good 20 years I know the area, and having shot up and down the only hill worthy of the small ring on the course a number of times the big ring should be fine if we need to walk the hill we can walk the hill what you shouldn’t do is grind it out burning matches!
Of course this is exactly what I did do:) and its the top of the hill the bodge fix decides to break but at least the grinding of metal on metal has stopped, I spend another 15mins repairing the repair but the downside of this repair is every-time I hit a large bump pot hole the chain has a tendency to pop so I end up stopping another dozen or so times putting the chain back on but again we are moving forward. Of course after all this is I am pissed off and in hindsight push to hard to get the lost time back and end up with a 6:26 bike split which I am happy with knowing It could have possibly been sub 6hr ride baring the mechanical cock-ups and be in a much better place in terms of energy spent.
So aside from the that the ride itself was absolutely fine. With some great support along the route apart from Southwell where they are all a bit snobby and I got done twice for speeding on the motorbike by some bush wookie radar gun ninja cop many years ago. Its a nice route apart from the long busy stretch from Gunthorpe to Oxton, that’s quite dangerous with all the traffic and racing.
The Run.
Oh my god the run, got off the bike felt ok, tired but no worse than mid morning Johnny run of fun from Repton around the reservoir after a late night on the Friday. I set off at my idea of race pace 8k/min… 5k fine legs are used to running now… 10k….Ok its actually quite warm best start taking on more fluids, I run, walk the aid station and have a chat with the volunteers seems the winner has finished and I am only the second or third aid station, I call him bastard even though I have never met him and he is more than likely a nice chap. (I can confirm he is as I watched the interview after, sorry calling you a bastard) Somewhere between 10k and 15k my quads/thighs decide enough is enough, a strange feeling I felt I had the energy just no muscle strength, I tell myself you pushed the bike to hard and call myself a stupid bastard, myself says tell me us something we don’t know. I struggle with the rest of the run, its hot the sun while not beating down the UV is high, I touch my neck… I know the sunburn is going to be more painful than anything else and its your own fault as you put the sun cream in the wrong Aldi bag and you never used it…… This is why all the people on Saturday were sniggering at you. I call everyone a bastard and move forward.
I now hatch a plan I use the life buoy rings at the river as goals, run one, walk one…. The day goes on… run one walk two… the same goes around the lake the blue huts… run one walk one. 20K in the watch packs at least I can ask people the time, With all the extra fluids I take on due to the heat I am now in constant need of the bathroom… the aid station Portaloos cant come quick enough and I cant get to them any quicker either. I call the race organisers bastards for not having enough dottered around the course. On my back on the second lap I recognise Anna being dragged by Duke and find out Nathan has had a funny turn, In my mind I blame the expensive cheeseburger the day before.
I catch up to wear a lot of MVH folk are looking after Nathan, I think its best not to get involved as my medical skills would say his ankles needs chopping off, Sarah G tells me to get a Murray mint it turns out dishing out Murray mints is just an excuse to get dressed up in bad drag but it really made me laugh and took my mind off things, the Murray mints last to the canoe course I have had enough of sugar and watch it disappear in the rapids. Next aid station I have a gel.
So it goes on, my feet hurt I think its pebble stuck in my shoe, I stop and take them off to try and find the offending pebble its odd its in both shoes, no pebble it then dawns on me 45 mins later this is not pebble its much much worse, I console myself with the fact at least the sunburn is not going to be the most painful thing and generally feel happy about having blisters.
Its now really hard to walk, I have nothing left to run with but it is easier on the blisters than walking, its just pure misery squared with extra misery and some misery sauce but at this point we only have 2 laps of the lake to go and the treat of the day can be had in a caffeine gel, for some reason I think taking two is good idea, instead I down 4 and feel bloody great and somehow I get to the end and its over a 6:17 giving a grand day out of 14:43
Of course most of that is tongue in cheek, it really was tough day and really well run and supported event, a big thank-you to those that turned up on the day to cheer and shout it makes such a huge difference, a big thank you to those who I badgered for advice on the side (pretty much everyone in MVH) a big thank-you for everyone who waits for me on the group running over winter, early spring mornings (well kinda early) and Tuesday evenings you all helped make this possible.
Cheers:)
Just a bit of fun and taken from my club page, but sometimes you need to hide away from the seriousness this place sometimes gets