No prank, sorry that happened to you. Not everything works for everyone. I get a nice tingly feeling. 
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I liked the feeling too, until I got in the shower 
I’m going to try Aquaphor. Seems like PJ but better!
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Sorry for laughing, but yours was a funny post. I’ve tried Noxzema and, while I think it’s not too bad, it’s definitely not viscous enough to survive a few hours of cycling.
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I just tried a house brand of Noxzema today on a pair of bibs with a chamois that has been hit or miss for me. It worked fine, I could see it might not work for “longer” rides. But, I wouldn’t use those bibs for that.
Even in America most pharmacies (apothecary) have a cheaper more of “store” brand versions of this they carry. I would think in Europe and elsewhere they would have basically a similar (if not identical) product under a different name. Been around forever.
It is mentioned a couple of times early on. The key issue mentioned is that it contains petroleum.
Thanks, I missed that. But I only use just a tiny bit, barely enough to cover the end of my finger.
I guess if you slather it on, its a problem. But that would only indicate to me the need for other areas of investigation if I required so much chamois cream to be comfortable.
I use bag balm on the rare occasion I get a sore. But I use it directly on the sore not on the chamois.
The real noxzema I use is a pretty thick cream and I still have residual on the bibs after 2 hrs. Plus the other thing, while swear may dilute it a bit unless you are pouring buckets off your butt it’s going to likely just stay in the chamois still providing some protection.
My reply wasn’t meant to be critical at all of one’s choice to use it, simply to mention that it was mentioned earlier in that context. I’m glad it is working for you.
Some discussion here on creams, etc.