Bike/life balance

+1 for working out while everyone is still asleep. Your lack of sleep / recovery will likely be your biggest challenge (it definitely limits my ability to progress more / faster).

Be ok with missing a ride / workout occasionally. I absolutely suck at this (border line OCD) and it can / has caused problems.

Pick a few key rides / races to do and talk to your wife about them. While I fill up my calendar each year with events I hope to do, I usually only go to one or two. Now, my events are fondos / centuries so a different time commitment than, say, a crit.

Involve your kids whenever possible, even when riding inside. I run Zwift in parallel with TR and my youngest loves seeing dinosaurs and anything else I ask him to find (unless I’m dying on a VO2 interval and can’t talk - but he does enjoy asking me lots of questions when he knows I can’t respond).

Congrats on kiddo #2. FWIW, I have five kids ages 5-19.

6 Likes

Lots of great advice above, adding mine would be to enjoy your time with the kids/family as much as you can because before you know it the kids will be grown up and gone… then you’ll have plenty of hours again to train.

9 Likes

Father of 2 here (2 wks and 2 yrs). Before we had kids I loved to do 200 to 400km rides a couple of times a year, which meant each weekend a 100+ km ride. I made a choice to stop when the first one was born, joined TR and do mostly 60 to 90 min high intensity rides. Feels very different, yet I very much enjoy it.

Still plan 1 200+ ride a year well in advance, usually when going on holiday. Pack the car the night before, leave early and try to arrive first at the camp site. Fitness is good enough on a low volume TR plan, last hour is a bit heavy on the neck and bottom area as I seldom cycle more than 90 min.

In any case it is working for all of us, and I still enjoy cycling. Plan to pick up the 300+ rides after the younger one is at least 5.

1 Like

Ha, no it’s nothing to do with her being worried. I think it’s that it seems less selfish with a group because I’m also socializing. Long solo ride just feels like me taking a lot of time for myself.

I subscribe VERY heavily to this. I made a conscious choice to have kids and while I 100% didn’t realise just how much time they really take. Like others on this thread training is mostly done when the kid isnt around, though I do lunch times as I can take a bit of extra time in the middle of the day and there is no way that I am getting up at 4am. Definite night owl here.

When training has to be done when the kid is around (long weekend rides for instance) the biggest thing is honesty. The last thing that you should ever do is say “I am going out for a 2 hour ride” and then be back 4 hours later because you were enjoying riding and either wanted to keep going or just lost track of time. Good will is burned through very quickly if you do that.

3 Likes

Agree with you except for this part! :slight_smile:

2 Likes

Hi @velopiano,

I’m a Mum of 2 here (4 and 7) and just completed my A event for the season (a 1000km, self-supported MTB race).

My husband rides bikes for fun, is fit, and accepts my endurance craziness, but in no way understands it (other than to prevent a wife bouncing from the walls with too much energy, a good dose of daily training is necessary). We are also a very bike friendly family, and bikes are central to our lives, as we all use them to commute to work/school/activities. My husband’s family are also recreational cyclists, so are also somewhat supportive/accepting of my activities - which helps!

I have many of the same strategies as the other posters:
-I do almost all of my structured bike and strength sessions (TR MV plan) in the morning
-My long rides are mostly opportunistic that fit in with the other plans on the weekend - sometimes I’ll manage to make a group ride, other times it’ll have to be solo
-I schedule a few training weekends where I’ll be away for the whole day/weekend - but usually well in advance.
-My husband usually takes the kids away for these weekends and I’ll either meet them there, or they go away with family/friends so don’t miss me!

I also do a few other things that help facilitate this schedule - especially as my husband is not an early bird, and my kids are. These include:

-Over the years I’ve tried to teach my eldest to be self-sufficient in the mornings, and now she helps the little one
-I have the kids’ breakfasts ready on the table before I leave
-If I’m going to be on the trainer longer, or out of the house, I’ll also leave an activity out for them to do (setting up crayons, puzzles etc)
-If that fails and they come into the gym, I’m usually watching some cycling doco while on the trainer, and can switch to something kid friendly if it means I can get my last few intervals done!
-If I’m away for the whole day, I’ll have other meals/snacks ready to go, so my husband doesn’t need to worry about organising food. I’ll sometimes organise a play date for them too, so he doesn’t need to be on his own the whole time.
-If they are going away too, I’ll have most of the gear/food packed ready before I leave

Basically, I just try and make life as easy as possible for everyone when I’m going to be out of the house.

In terms of towing/carrying kids - I’ve pretty much done it all - it’s excellent strength training!

  • We had Thule double trailer, which I used a lot for commuting and would also design long training rides called ‘playground tours’ where I’d ride the kids between playgrounds - usually 30 min or so riding between each (and as many up hills as possible). I also figured out how to rig up my eldest’s bike to the back of the trailer, so if she got tired, she could jump in for a rest.
  • We also had a ‘trail gator’ which attaches the kid’s bike to your bike, and if you get creative, you can also attach the trailer to the kids rear axle (which I’ve done for many rides), basically creating a road train! The ‘trail gator’ is not so good if your kid wants to ride on their own a while as it weighs a tonne to carry around on its own.
    -We tried a Wehoo - where the kid has a little seat, and pedals and in theory is supposed to be able help you ride - but in practice you are just towing a super heavy trailer - so that didn’t last too long.
  • The rear bike seat was great for short trips, but not so good around nap time as they are terrible for the kids to sleep in.
  • We also had a ‘Weeride’ or ‘Shotgun’ - the little seat and handle bars that go on the top tube. This was great for mountain-biking or touring, as the kids are up front and the handling is much better.
    -We now have an older cargo bike, that has an extra long chassis - and a frame over the back wheel that has a platform for 2 kids to sit on, and also two large canvas panniers. On one trip last year, by the time we were coming home, I had both kids on the back of the bike, and both of their bikes strapped to the panniers being towed behind. I somehow managed to get us all home via a few big hills!

I also invested a lot of time in teaching the kids to ride. Both kids were on a balance bike before they could walk - and both could ride a pedal bike before 3 yo. Both kids are confident riders and understand the road rules, and I’m comfortable riding with both of them on commutes up to around 10km (the little one needs a push up the hills). Our eldest is less interested in riding for fun - but is fit and can ride a fair way to commute. Our youngest is a complete terror on the bike and is prob going to end up in ED far too often. He lives and breathes bikes and has already taught himself how to do stuff I had to actively learn as an adult!

Not sure if any of that is helpful - and happy to provide more specific detail on towing options if you need :slight_smile:

22 Likes

Do all your spouses realize how serious you are about training?

Despite riding 8-12 hours per week for the last 4 or 5 years, I don’t think my wife realizes my level of commitment. On the surface, she just sees me going for rides. And she’s supportive of me getting exercise.

I don’t think she notices me reading books about training or exercise, analyzing rides in WKO5, or watching Tim Cusick videos. She definitely doesn’t see me designing and executing training blocks nor does she have a clue about my FTP.

I told her the other day that I might want to try mountain bike racing because I found a local race series. (I’m a roadie but I won’t do a crit again and we just moved to a very pro-mountain bike city (Knoxville). I thought it might be fun and give me more tangible goals. She kind of nodded her head in agreement but I don’t think the significance of the decision registers with her.

I’ve been thinking of Belgium Waffle Ride Ashville as a big goal this year. Training for the 140 mile option might be fun but getting the buy in for all the 4-5 hour training rides required may be a challenge.

4 Likes

Mine does.
But at the same time, and for good reasons, family comes first… So if a race/training happens during an important family event, well sorry for me, but the family thing is not going to be moved…

4 Likes

obviously some great advice above but you have to do what works for you. Pretty much everyone is in a unique home setup, it’s hard to try and do what others do.

Something not mentioned above is when time does present itself for you to get out for an hour or two on the bike you don’t always want to ride, you might just want some alone time in front of the TV.

Me personally, I don’t think I have ever quite found a balance, I always find it hard leaving my now 7 year old at home (with his mum) and for me to head out for 2-3 hours when in reality I could be spending time with him. During the week, he now has an activity on Tuesday, Wednesday, Friday and Sunday so juggling time is getting even harder. I used to train quite late, but I don’t have the appetite for that now so time really is a squeeze.

I’m currently working from home, today I had decided to begin riding for an hour or so at lunchtime to build my volume back up but I just didn’t fancy it, I walked the dog instead (yeah they take time too!). Luckily I have some free time tonight to get a ride in, but what I think I’d like to finish with is that even when time does present itself to ride, sometimes you just don’t feel like it. (again, that’s my story, it might not be yours).

3 Likes

Well…

Let me see if I can contribute with some ideas.

Single dad here, (not a dad that is single, but a dad with a 9yo kid who needs special attention and sees his mom every 3 to 6 months if he’s lucky, I learned that I actually had to start making that distinction), and training is something that I always struggle with.

You just need to be VERY realistic with how much time you can spend on the bike.

I can only follow a low volume plan, and have to workout in the afternoon when I get home, or weekends, and my kid uses that time for his online tournaments of whatever game is on.

The important thing as it was said here countless times, is to focus on the family and coordinate with your family the time you can spend training, and find activities for them to follow whilst you are training.

Another good idea that I followed in the past with my last girlfriend, was something that most couples forget or just feel guilty about: ME time. I used my ME time to train or race, and would give her the same amount of time per week for her to spend time on herself, doing shopping, spa’s, friends, and shared the time with my kid.

So why not do the same with your spouses? In exchange for time to train/race, give them time for them to do something important to them, and you entertain the kids.

Balance and coordination. If you demand time for yourselves, do the same for your spouses.

If I spend and afternoon in a bbq with some friends, and my kid is here having the most boring day of his life (his words :smiley: :smiley: ), next day, I give him the same amount of hours to spend time with me doing whatever he wants! Which usually means some kind of online tournament for hours, and I just learned to love to spend time with him…

Next step, is to show him the outdoors and exercise so we can spend more time together away from game consoles and TV’s, which is a brutal challenge for him, as he was taught to avoid outside (not by me) and be afraid of absolutely everything, think of a 9yo afraid to ride an elevator/escalator because he can die because it moves too fast, and shakes with fear every time we have to go up 1 floor in the supermarket and has to ride the escalator.
But that is the next challenge for me and the therapist…

6 Likes

I learned a few years back to not hint on how into training I am. The details only serve to further the notion that I am “obsessed.” Which is probably true, but it’s a good obsession.

3 Likes

recent snippets of conversation from the last month or two

  • I think you should be single living in an apartment so you could ride your bike as much as you want and not have to worry about me and keeping up the yard
  • when are you and your girlfriend coming back?
  • no, lets go for a walk, I don’t want to ride with you because all you care about is going fast

the struggle is real, even as empty nesters!

6 Likes

I bet most of us have had similar conversations with our spouses…

2 Likes

Man, beyond all the bike stuff, good luck to you. I’m also a single dad but different definition as I have a decent relationship with my co-parent (after a lot of not decent periods), and my son has needed and been in different versions of therapy over the years. It has transformed our world and he has and is becoming a well adjusted person because of it. My son has a borderline problem with media as well, and that’s the next thing I need to address as a parent is setting better limits on his screen time. He is absolutely obsessed with gaming, but luckily he does enjoy riding a bit so we’re transitioning into more and more outdoors time. It sounds to me that your situation is quite different and more challenging than my own, I just wanted to offer a kind word to you.

2 Likes

This has been an issue for every partner I’ve had since I’ve started cycling. Some partners were cyclists as well, others, not - doesn’t seem to matter. The important thing is constant communication and setting clear expectations. That advice is not necessarily pointed in your direction Joel, just saying what most of us already know I guess! I just find it a bit frustrating that pursuing a passion (within a certain amount of reason of course) has to be a problem in a good relationship. Good luck everyone! :slight_smile:

2 Likes

I get it.

I know a few people that have spouses that are VERY into endurance sports (mostly tris).
They seem to handle scheduling situation better, or at least on the surface…
Its hard to know what’s happening in the kitchen unless you are the cook!

4 Likes

Just a distinction - you don’t ‘need’ to train every day, you choose to, just as you choose to have a family.

3 Likes

Well…
I NEED to train…
other wise I would go back to be borderline morbidly obese… And I don’t want that.

But I get your point… Is still MY choice…

2 Likes

Great to get a mom’s perspective on here!

1 Like