And, while we’re at it, who the hell designed the packages? They have a great sense of humor, so I’ll give them that. They are designed to be opened and consumed on a run or a ride or some sort of athletic activity, yet it seems only possible to cleanly open and consume them when I’m in a clean-lab situation. Even opening them on my trainer is a complete sh-- show. They never open the same way. I’ve tried the over-handed teeth rip, the under-handed teeth rip, then take your hands off the bars, two-handed rip (always a safe move), and the pre-rip rip when I try to start the rip before the ride to make it easier on the bike. Of those, the latter has led to the most disaster when the small rip actually gained access to the nuclear material, which oozed during the ride and ended up–you guessed it–in gonad-land. They always head there for some reason, or maybe that’s just another unscientific, vague fear that I should keep to myself.
Now that is a genius idea ! 
My gel-spilling FTP is 6+ watts/kilo. I have a 90+ gel package mangling VO2 Max. Serious genetic gel-nasty skills. Born this way.
Not sure if I missed some sarcasm or something, but they do sell a variety of multipacks. I always buy big boxes direct from their website.
OP, I know it’s a sorta comedy post, but why not open the gel before you set off? If you’re worried about it leaking, eat the first 5-10%. Give it a good squeeze when you’re done, and accept you can’t get the last 1% out without going no-handed. If you need to manoeuvre, hold the wrapper in your front teeth until it’s safe to take the hand off again.
I think he meant a lot in one bottle rather than individual packets, like this:
Ah I missed that - never seen such a product before. We don’t have those brands (or much Clif) in the UK, that I’ve seen.
The hammer bulk bottles are excellent alongside their flasks. And I’m not Hammer fan boy. The gels are their only product I like.
Proctological skilz. Definitely something you need with gels. But allow me to tell you a proctologist story; probably a first for TR. Early in my career in the Air Force I served in the Strategic Air Command (SAC). SAC was a serious operation with a uncompromising culture of draconian inspections. After all, we were handling nukes! I became an inspector at one point and in SAC, inspections (“the IG”) were serious and potentially deadly to careers. At one point in an inspection I found something, well, something bad. Really bad. My IG boss asked me to explain the “problem” to a very hostile wing commander. They obviously had committed a major error, and the wing commander lost his cool. He angrily said to my boss, “This guy isn’t an inspector. He’s a proctologist.” That quote became famous, at least on our inspection team. So I guess I have some long-lost procto-skilz that I need to call back from my early days. The first thing I’d do with those skilz would be to find out what’s going on up inside the gel container designer’s nether regions that cause them to design such a diabolical setup…
No drama, though. Takes all the fun out of it. BTW, I’m not a fan of the new Camelback bottle top design. You can get liquid coming out from the threads when you really press on the bottle for a long drink. Not so on the old bottle tops.
I use liquid (SIS Beta and Maurten 320) for first two hours, then gels (again SIS/Maurten) and Clif bloks or Skratch Labs Chews the rest of the way along with water/mix. Total drama with the gels, though. It’s just the price of caloric sufficiency. It’s like a fatal attraction. I just keep going back even though I’ve demonstrated zero point zero learning curve.
I have a really hard time drinking on the bike, let alone eating! Liquid seeps out both old and new Camelbak bottles, kinda of a draw over here. The only benefit of old top is higher flow rate…
Eating on the bike is something that everyone should practice. You shouldn’t be just relying on drinks to get your through long rides, where you most definitely need some solids in.
This is a number one topic I tend to go over with 99% of all the athletes I coach, especially masters.
Am I the only one who opens the gu packets with my teeth and then uses said teeth dragged along the package like GoGurt? Maybe I’m a disgusting human being, lol, but the result is less sticky packaging when I put it back in my pocket.
When I am in a position, where I am in a desperate need of a gel, I do not give a flying you-know-what if that creates a mess all over myself or my bike.
In the end of the day, both can be easily washed.
That’s because you’re not the worst gel eater OF ALL TIME.
And, for the record, I eat gels on the bike–a lot of them. Yes, I drag my teeth to get the gel out, but they’re built so you have to GAG YOURSELF TO GET THE GEL FROM THE BOTTOM. GAG, I tell you! So I do this funny squeegee movement to get the remainders up halfway, at which time the top bit of it squirts out the top and gets on my Di2 RD, making it eventually bogged down so it uses more electricity to shift and runs down my battery, then I do the teeth squeegee to get the rest out, at which point some gets out on my fingers and then, well, it’s human sacrifice, cats and dogs living together…mass hysteria. So I got that going for me, which is nice.
PS: SCMT: FWIW, I’ve coached hundreds of cyclists for over 30 years. Every athlete is different. Some need solids, some don’t. I can do hard 100+ milers on just drinks–no problem, especially with the modern stuff. If you’re fat-adapted and go at endurance pace, you can do hours and hours with just water (and maybe sodium). Everyone is different and “guidelines” (not rules) plus experimentation seems to do the trick. But you are correct that learning to eat on the bike can be useful for many. They just need to understand that gels have nanotechnology that they’re not telling us about and they should be especially careful if they’re the worst gel eaters in their region. I have the KOM, but I know others have issues!
for something like that I pack ziplock bags with carbs (lately its been Roctane) and a little bit of solid food - banana, couple granola bars, trail mix. Maybe a Cliff Bar, and a few times a small PB&J sandwich. Never been a fan of gels or blocks.
What works for me doesn’t work for others. As you stated - experiment and find what works for you!
I’m a ziplock bagger, too. Normally Skratch or Shaklee (sneaky-good hydration mix). I CAN do long rides on just drinks, but prefer not to. Doing a ton of long solo rides during COVID. I use drinks, gels, chews, and food. I tend to like Clif nut butter/fruit smoothie bars but I can eat anything and make it work. I just know that drinks, chews, and gels tend to get into the system more quickly for me, so I can gauge what’s going on and monitor my grams/hour. I am constantly working on moving that number up. I’m pretty much up to 80 grams per hour now and have done that in a variety of ways. But other riders will have different needs so what I do quite literally does not matter–except that I am at war with gels!
Hammer Apple Cinnamon is one of my two favorites. The other is Hammer Espresso. Both are available in bulk, and if you mix them you get apple pie and coffee. Yummmmmm.
As you’ve coached hundreds of athletes, you already know that whoever had done hundreds of hours on a bike is already “fat adapted”… gosh, I hate that expression.