Damn that was entertaining.
I completely agree with you and I thought I was the only one. Not to mention, where do you put your empties? Back pocket so everything you own gets covered in a sticky mess? Under the grippers on your bibs? No wonder trails are littered with those wrappers they are as bad as the gels themselves.
I have for the most part, due to many of the factors you describe, gone away from gels completely. When I must I try to use one of these: