I have a single speed trek crocket that I use for cross and riding with the misses. It really helps to keep my pace in check as well as gives me work on climbs. She has told me Im never allowed to sell that one!
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My spouse isn’t negative about it, but we have huge difference in ability (beyond gender differences). I personally don’t like riding together when we have our own bikes bc of it.
Solution: we bought a tandem.
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Is this just to your face, just in front of other people or both?
Either way, the real challenge I think is that everyone needs space in their lives to feel good at something. If your significant other is always in that space, and much better than you, it would take a very self confident person not to be brought down by that.
So I’d say there is an underlying self confidence issue here that needs support, and perhaps some self restraint on your part when it comes to mentioning things that you happen to be good at. I virtually never talk about triathlon at home, but in order to let her know where I am I mention when I’m training - this alone can mean reminding her how athletic I am three times a day, and implicitly how athletic my spouse is not.
It’s tough, but just bear in mind it’s tougher on your spouse.
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Yes, You are absolutely right. I try to talk about her effort instead mine to the point that my training is not even acknowledged. I want to have a happy relationship and self confidence for her is definitively an issue. It gets to the point where she tells me that I train to hard. I think, athletes are like others. We have hardcore ones and we have those who are less of that
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Oh yeah makes sense 
didn’t think of it that way
In reading the thread I’m assuming a little because of so little info/understanding the op and wife relationship…
Don’t train together. Just do coffee/recovery rides. Trying to stay together in your zones while doing whatever interval is impossible and TBH is not good training.
And, Its rare to see an amateur male who is much stronger than a female while “riding together” not put the hurt on the female. You guys need to learn to ride with others if you want to ride with others. The half wheeling and slowing turning a Z2 ride into a threshold one is so tiresome. Check your ego when you put your kit on.
If I’m wrong I sincerely apologize.
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I LOVE riding with my brother in law who is much better at cycling than I am. The main reason for this is that he is genuinely happy to go for a ride with me. We’ve done Centuries together and it seriously doesn’t bother him that my ‘tempo’ pace is his ‘recovery’ pace. He takes the lead, I slipstream behind him and he will make me slowdown if he perceives I am going too fast. It works because I have no doubt that he is enjoying himself. I would be far more reluctant to cycle with others that are much better than me. It may be crucial that your wife beliefs that you are genuinely happy to ride at a very slow pace.
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Get her to ride with someone other than you. Or you both go in a group with others. Its hard riding with someone who is at a very different pace, and not much fun.
Don’t do the baggy clothes, slow bike, little ring, encouraging her all the time ride. It comes across as patronising, and just reminds her of how easy it all is for you.
Tandem is a good idea too.
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You’re better at somethings. She’s better at others. Pretty normal.
A friend of mine has just picked up cycling and my plan is to do rides on my mtb while he’s on his road bike. This way we both can push ourselves, have fun and still get good fitness out of it!
Another option - find another hobby together. To be honest I wouldn’t want to babysit my girlfriend on weekend rides… Riding is my space (I rarely cycle with others in general) and I like to keep it that way. It’s my meditation!
However, I love running with others or doing other sports. I take cycling, probably the same as you, waaaay to seriously for it to be fun when doing it with others.
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Hmmmm really don’t like the title and the way this quote was phrased. You being better than your wife is somewhat expected, and the difference of gender shouldn’t be ignored. If you and your wife train the same amount and have similar habits off the bike, you’d expect you to be faster and probably by a decent amount. Doesn’t mean it’ll be in every case, and doesn’t mean women can’t be as fast or faster. But it should make you respect how much harder they’ve had to work to get to a similar level.
Also, from what I’ve read you’re not too fast to ride with your wife. You just like to ride too fast or she feels she has to ride too fast. Maybe you just need to ride with each other a little less, but I can ride with family half my power and everyone be happy. If you’re faster it’s obvious you’re not going to be going as hard, but you might need to learn to hold to an intensity you know they can produce and just allow yourself to be halfwheeled by your companion when they try and speed up rather than always being ahead or tiring them out.
You say your wife is focused and trains hard, so I agree with everyone else that’s against an e-bike, I think you just need to slow down.
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So I have a bit of this with my fiancé. She rides the trainer ~3 days/week but certainly just does it as a form of exercise and not training. So I am much faster than her if we ever ride together. But in our case the big barrier is her confidence and comfort riding outside in general and that she doesn’t want to force me to go too slow. I would never phrase it as “rubbing it in my face” but she definitely isn’t always super excited to ride with me. So we’ll do a couple things. I’ll ride my mtb, maybe throw a handlebar bag on for extra drag, wear a tshirt, I’ll reassure her that this is a recovery day and she is absolutely not keeping me from doing a harder ride that I want to do and easy is what I am going for, or (if it is a harder ride day) I’ll do my ride then swing by the house and she’ll then join me for some extra miles.
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To add a tool to this suggested solution, if you have a power meter on your bike for training outdoors, set up a field with w/kg on your head unit. I have this as my default on the map screen of my Bolt. Using this, you can gauge when it is too hard for her and when it is too easy. For some of the easier group rides I have led, this field has been INVALUABLE in me keeping things measured. In my experience, for most casual riders, 3 w/kg is a serious challenge and 2 w/kg is rather hard, so drop that intensity down to 1.5 w/kg. You may need to force yourself to stay in the small ring as a result.
Not to get too psychoanalytical, but this might mean she wants to spend more time with you and that she feels she is competing with the bike for your time. In other words, you may be loving the bike more than her in her eyes.
This may not be some grand psychological issue she is having. She might just be trying to tell you that it is not fun for her to ride with someone who is faster. Either she feels she is holding you back or, she feels compelled to go harder than she’d like (both likely).
Lets face it, for most people it is not enjoyable to be tethered to someone else in a physical workout activity like biking or running if that person is significantly stronger than they are at that activity. (we’re not talking about casual ice cream rides). You’ve got no choice but to have them slow down or you dig too deep to keep up and it usually ends up as a combination of both. Most people hate that. In fact, hating that is the more natural and I’d say a healthier reaction as it comes from empathy towards the faster person. You simply do not want to screw up their workout.
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You can’t ride together ever? Or you can’t train together often because your abilities/plans are different?
Slow wife here. I’ve been riding just over a year, my husband for ~15. Realized pretty quickly that bike time was just not meant to be “us time.” It was miserable at first. I knew I was slowing him down and felt bad about myself because of that. My “holy crap I won’t be able to walk for a week” rides are still Z2 for him.
Took me a while to understand that our training plans and fitness levels/abilities are just very different. We now look at our plans every few days and ask “what does your X ride look like?” to see if we can do it together. Most often, it’s a no - unless it’s his easy week 
And that is okay.
He packed me up and sent me out solo for my first 100-miler last month (he haaaates long rides). I gather snacks and make bottles for him when he heads out to climb a bunch of dumb stupid hills over and over (I mean WHY???). We sit down after and talk about the rides and look at Strava.
We celebrated our anniversary yesterday by re-riding the course of the first race we did together! It was actually rest days for both of us. Yes, it was still slow af but waaaay faster than when we rode it in February! It was really fun.
If everyone is being honest with themself and their partner about what the issue really is, you can totally find a solution that makes everyone feel better.
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Thanks for all comments.
I wasn’t looking for analyzing my personality, which in some cases came strong and wrong. I was looking for simple advice. I love her and I want us to enjoy both what we like so much.
I am very easy going and like helping others, that is why I was looking for advice only.
I got few. I like MTB with my spouse on gravel but best I think is riding w/kg. We both have PM and we can use it to make our ride fun together 
For sure electric bike or tandem is not what we can do together
Thanks again 
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Buy your wife a TrainerRoad subscription and smart trainer/ Turbo/ rollers
Ride together in your paincave .
As long as you use the same volume plan the individual abilities of each rider drops away
She has got a coach, TR subscription, Zwift, Rouvi.
We have all what is needed to be successful, and she is doing it. Great person and aspiring athlete
My wife and I have been having a similar conversation lately so I’ve found this topic to be very interesting. She doesn’t consider herself as a competitive athlete but just taken up cycling and does 3-4 TrainerRoad workouts a week and various other exercises yoga etc. She is a similar height to me so has just been using my indoor setup so far but really is due a new bike. We talked about ebikes so she went to enquire at the LBS and found the salesman super patronising, “you’re hardly going to be going on any big rides are you” and “here’s a nice purple one for you”. Needless to say we probably won’t get one from there but I actually said you know what, I think you’re selling yourself short thinking you need an ebike. She’s made awesome progress and is already pushing up to 2w/kg.
It would be cool to do some rides with her but in all honesty I mostly go out on bigger rides to have my own space but I’m more than happy to take it easy and chill with her sometimes if it helps her enjoy it. It seems to me her motivations for wanting to ride a bike are quite different from mine.
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CyclingPeter,
Do what you can so this is not competitive, just time together.
Simple advice is I ride a MTB to slow me down.
your thread touched a nerve for a lot of us. I have realized that my wife not wanting to ride together is about self confidence.
I avoid confrontation. When she gets upset discussing riding together, I stay calm and stay away from being defensive.
That is what works for me.
Soaring Bear
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