Update:
Don’t mean to dull the joy of Flanders, just thought I’d throw this out there under cover of night.
From the meeting with my doc and the stress tests info, my understanding of my condition is as follows:
I’ve got (suspected) exercised-induced myocardial ischemia (silent and reversible).
Lotsa words.
Basically, during exercise, part of my heart doesn’t get enough blood or oxygen to meet demand (reversible = returning to normal function during non-exercise; silent = I don’t experience any symptoms, e.g. chest pain). Most likely caused by coronary artery disease/atherosclerosis, which is most likely caused by shitty cholesterol genes. This is also most likely what’s causing my exercise-induced hypertension.
There is some research out there which claims brief intermittent periods (think intervals) of ischemia might not be detrimental (~70-90% for shorter durations, 15-5min), and may even have some protective qualities, but on the whole, are most likely cumulative and cause heart tissue to die (basically a really slo-mo heart attack). Will get a final prognosis (and update) after I see the heart doc in a few weeks.
Until that time – and most likely for good – I’m hanging up the wheels.
Competitively, recreationally…I’m done.
My heart breaks if I ride the bike, my heart breaks if I can’t ride the bike.
Paging Ms. Morissette…
Luckily for me, I live in a cycling hotbed with access to many high level sports people. I’ve taken preemptive measures and started sessions with sports psychologist Dr. Kabush (her brother rides MTB or something) to address forced retirement issues. She’s got her work cut out for her!
I may also have one last delicious parting gift for my fellow Doughnutians in the nearish future.
Until then, be excellent to each other (and yourself!). 
