Life is fuller and more complex than I could have imagined. All of the extremes. Harder, but more rewarding. I’m not training at the same volume I used to, but grateful to say I have been able to keep up decent consistency. Lots of runs pushing one or both girls in the stroller. Many easy rides with the bike seat or trailer. Workouts cut short or skipped occasionally, but not as often as I feared, and so very much worth it. I have borrowed some time from work for longer rides on occasion, rather than family time. On the bike I am very close to my best fitness, even with reduced volume. Run not so much, but that’s just fine with me.
A couple of months ago I started adding blocks of “mama time” to the shared calendar a few days a week, non-negotiable time my wife gets to herself. This was a game-changer, and I wish I had thought of it earlier. I was always striving to give her that time, but scheduling it ahead makes it a sure thing, and it improved everything.
I have done an endurance mtb race, and I have two races in July (Xterra EX2 and Ohio 70.3), both deferred registrations from Covid. Once those are done, I plan to scale way back on training and racing for awhile. I will still ride when I can, but taking at least a year hiatus from triathlon, maybe just a fun gravel or mtb event here and there. I’m looking forward to not feeling like I’m juggling on a unicycle to keep it all in balance. I’m only 34, and gods willing there will be lots more opportunity in life to focus on endurance sports. This time is too precious to spend distracted. I am proud of the job I have done prioritizing family to this point, and I am ready for that job to get a little bit easier with no events putting pressure on me.
My wife and I divide the week based on travel and kid commitments. We do that each Sunday night and put it in the family calendar. Usually my wife takes Monday morning 530-7, I take Tuesday etc. . If one of us has to travel, you miss your session or try to do it when away. Kids take priority but we can usually adjust around kids rugby, swimming, etc etc. I have times where I feel guilty about exercising when I could be with the kids but I remind myself I am a far better father and husband when I am getting that time to myself.
Love idea of booking out mama time! I schedule in training time and this seems perfect idea as well. As you say, I always mean to let my wife have this time but scheduled non negotiable time is so the way forward!
For me before I met my wife / had children my main hobby was rock climbing, and I mean in a pretty obsessive way - training 2-3 days during the week, then away Fri evening-Sun pretty much every weekend throughout the summer. I cut back after meeting my wife, got worse, started to lose motivation and at that point started to get into cycling. Actually I have always thought cycling is rather good for the time-limited person as (for me at least) I am cycling mostly too and from my front door, so any free time is spent doing what I want to do, rather than sitting in a car getting there/back from what I want to do (where I live for example is a 3 hour round trip to the nearest outdoor rock climbing).
Our children are 3 and 6 years old. For us so far we have had a simple arrangement that seems to work well, at the weekends on Sat morning, my wife gets to do whatever she wants whilst I do something with the children, Sun morning I do a 4-5 hour club ride whilst she looks after the children, then afternoons are family time. Since they are a bit older now I can have a coffee at the end of the ride, when the children were younger I got a roasting if not back by 12pm on the dot. During the week I get to ride 3 or 4 times but its never much more than an hour, so 8-10 hours a week riding which is plenty.
It’s eerie how close to home this hits, and to hear your inner dialog.
I’ve had similar things happen to me, and I am still trying to learn. Usually I get into tight spots like you did when I am “too close to the sun” and follow training plans that work as long as almost everything goes smoothly.
Others have covered it well:
Early morning training
Focus on short local events, I’d love to do epic faraway endurance events but just not in the cards
Communication, emphasis that it is important to my well being and I willing to give to make family a priority
Routine, keep your training time blocked even during off periods, just go shorter and easier. If you get out of the routine it’s harder to carve it out again.
The important to my well being was a hard but important lesson. I fell out of riding because it was just too much of a struggle and ended up in a pretty bad place. Now my understanding of what riding means to me is much different.
Also, it’s not easy and my wife and I still don’t see 100% eye to eye but I keep trying.
We do short, very far away events. We went to France (from the UK) this year to do some races in Chamonix. The week before that we were on our family holiday for the year and then packaged up the races right at the end. The kids love coming and cheering the runners, well the 4 year old does and the 1 year old is getting pretty handy with a cowbell. If you are willing to sacrifice your taper week for a holiday then it works really well. We manage to both do something because its a race series and we can pick and choose who does what (I did a Vertical KM and my partner did a 10k trail race).
But that really only works for a once a year thing, theres no way that I would be dragging the kid around the country (or continent) on a regular basis. Day to day close events is definitely the way to go. If its more than an hour away I dont enter.
Can’t not in this situation, she was the one who introduced me to the race series!
Our family is partially built on the shared love of sports. This morning my partner had moved some of the dumbells in to the living room from the gym (smallest child was asleep and cant really be trusted in the gym if she had woken up) to do an online fitness class. The 4 year old saw them and declared “look dad some real blocks to start off” before setting them up and then starting his “running race” from them. He also 100% knows that they are dumbells as he has his own set of 1kg ones that he then proceeded to use exercising along with his mother in the fitness class.
My wife is a runner and we have a 7 and 8 year old. We plan the week each Sunday to ensure we both get sessions in each week. We also both choose an event each year, my wife ran her in January (25km trail race) and mine is October (125km road race). We divide the week so each morning one of us is training early. Saturday and Sunday we share and make sure we get home in time for kids sport. The one rule is kids take priority… so if sport is early we miss a session. Works for us, at times I feel guilty about time spent training vs with the kids but mostly I am home by the time they are getting up and about. Lucky my wife is super supportive and active.
I’m a biking Mom of two kids and thankfully Dad rides too. Since their Dad is much taller, he has the iBert installed in front of his seat for the younger kid. My top tube is not long enough for this. I haul the older child on the WeeRide Copilot tagalong. My daughter started riding on the tagalong at age 4. She’s 7 now and her little brother is now 4 and is now outgrowing the iBert. We’re transitioning him to the tagalong, and I ordered a CoMotion Mocha Tandem for me and my daughter. The bike finally arrived at the shop this week (it was a custom build because I’m short and thus took a while). I’m looking forward to getting to test ride it as soon as the shop finishes the assembly! I do early rides on the trainer, with TrainerRoad of course, before anyone else gets up. I try to do one “adult” ride per week on nights that don’t interfere with the kiddos sport activities. And my husband and I alternate long ride Saturdays. With an understanding coparent, it is certainly possible to still do some quality riding! Enjoy the adventures with your family!
I was a high school basketball player turned runner (with worsening knee issues) when I met my husband. He got me into bikes. We rode together a lot. We both commuted by bike. It was fun.
Then we had a kid. Somehow he managed to still commute by bike 3-4 times a week and ride on weekends while my bike gathered dust. I bought cheap used rollers, but that’s a tough learning curve and I couldn’t ride for more than short bursts during nap times. I lobbied for a smart trainer and was told I wouldn’t use it… too expensive. Only times I could get out were when my mom would watch the kid. If I went with my husband, he’d drop me. When I said I’d rather ride alone, he’d feel “hurt” and sulk.
Long story short: now have +1 smart trainer and -1 husband in the house. I ride every day he has custody and hit the trainer when my daughter is with me. She puts on a movie for us and loves to make fun of me and/or encourage me while I do my workout. Divorce pending. Boyfriend is much faster rider who doesn’t drop me, in any sense. Life is a lot more “balanced” now.
Partners who drop is my biggest gripe. I’m so sorry your ex didn’t support you but I’m glad you now have your trainer and a boyfriend who respects and supports you.
Smart!
I googled your tandem and that thing looks perfect for endurance miles. It has wide tire clearance which is good for comfort and I guess you can take it on gravel as well. Last winter I towed my daughter in the the trailer with my mountain bike. That slowed me down in a good way: it was snowing a bit and icy in parts, and being fast wasn’t the best. But with the additional weight and aero drag, I still managed to hit my power and heart rate targets. Plus, my wife had some semi-time off (she had to take care of our youngest, and since he was too young and she was breast feeding at the time, he couldn’t tag along).
After my wife and daughters (now 4 and 1) lovingly supported me through two successful races in July (an Xterra and a half Ironman), I have declared a “triatus” until 2024. My wife understands how important riding remains to me to keep my cup filled, so we are finding ways to make it happen in a low-impact way.
Wednesday morning is my one protected hour for riding. If the baby wakes up before I start, I will delay it maybe 20-30 minutes to give my wife a little extra sleep, but then I have that 60 minutes. Saturdays I can often sneak away for 60-90min during a nap. Sunday mornings I commute to a weekly gig, 10 miles each way. The rest of my rides are opportunistic, either towing one or both kids or bringing my mountain bike and taking advantage of a gap in my work day. I also have a couple of bigger adventure rides planned on weekdays in the fall (after preschool starts back), and possibly one gravel race on a weekend in October. Otherwise I am present with the family, and on wake up duty with the girls every morning. On good days I have 20-30 min to myself before anyone else is up to do yoga, strength training, or work on music.
Speaking of mornings, recurring refrain I have seen on this thread is the suggestion to ride early. That worked well with the first kid, but it gets tricky with our early-rising second. If I am out on a ride, or even on the trainer in the basement, and the baby wakes up, my wife is stuck being the one, so I need to be available. I have taken to putting the baby in the bike seat or trailer, and if she seems to need more sleep
I just ride and she sleeps. Most of the time, we go the short distance to the playground and I play with her and do pull-ups, push-ups, and core work. Then when I get home I hang with both girls while my wife does her own workout (she’s into jumping rope these days), before I head to work. This was this morning after she woke at 5:30:
While certainly not the primary reason, I will shortly be switching jobs as an effort to work much closer to home in a lower-stress environment with a tangential goal of exercising more consistently.
Right now I’m working 9-10s with a 30 minute commute one-way. Between the stress of work with a 6AM start time, my commute, and 1.7 kids (a 1yo and a few months away from #2), I need all the advantages I can get to hop on the bike.
On the plus side, my wife fully supported me during the summer XC series (she even volunteered with the racing org. a couple times). I’m hoping this job change can allow me time to do the same for her.
