Congratulations! Good luck with the little “adjustment” 
Enjoy it while you have the chance. My 3 girls are all teenagers now and although it gets easier to find riding time as your kids get older because they don’t want to hang out with you as much anymore, on the downside they don’t want to hang out with you anymore. So that time has gone forever. So when you are out on an early 6 hour ride and you start to think “oh, my kids will be getting up now and having breakfast and hanging out… i wonder if i should go home and hang out with them…” it might occasionally be a “good thing” to do. I followed my kids into sport as i used to take them to running/Tri club then just drifted into it myself and ended up obsessed with endurance sports so we had some family crossover sporting experiences early on, but when i went full Ironman and it really cut into family time my wife eventually got angry with me…
There’s a lot of divorced dads out there with a stack of medals on their walls… be careful to keep the balance right.
10 Likes
We are not divorced but my significant other and I believe that divorce should be an option for everyone without any stigma whatsoever.
4 Likes
Here is a recent story of a life/training sacrifice I experience this past weekend.
My oldest daughter birthday was the last weekend.
We had a bunch of things planned for her.
Saturday was spending the day (open to close) @ Universal Studios (both parks). She is into Harry Potter.
Sunday her birthday at the community clubhouse pool with her friends and family.
Because of this day, I switch my weekend around. I was supposed to run 70 minutes Sunday and do a 2:30 ride and a 35min brick run Saturday.
I switch days and did my run Saturday and wo Sunday… or so that was the plan.
I was told we were leaving the house to the park at 6:45 am (opening at 9). I was no biggie, I wake up at 4:00 for a run and I will be back around 6 get a shower and leave the house… that was the start of bad ideas… I was ask (multiple times) why I can’t skip a day… I was like nope, not happening. Then at the park we had a mild disagreement about me getting coffee to help me deal with how tired I was after spending 8 hours in the heat walking… It was my fault for waking up early and going for a run… 
I lost that one… no coffee for me (very long lines to get one)
Then Sunday. We got home LATE Saturday…like 10 pm. We were in bed by 10:30 ish. I put the alarm to 4:30… but was shocked when the first number of how long before the alarm was just a 5, plus I was drained from the day. So i pushed the alarm to 5:30… I told my self I would be ok if I started at 6 and be out of the bike by 8:30 and be home my 9:10 after the run. Silly me. Alarm goes off… I am exhausted… made my mind about riding slightly harder for 90 minutes and then run slightly faster for 30 minutes. HA
Another silly me. Had a ton of stuff to deal with when I woke up (pet related). Finally was on the bike by 7. At 8:15 my wife shows in the room to remind me there are a ton of stuff to finish up before the birthday at 11 (finishing the cake, breakfast, pickup a few other stuff). So i stopped the workout. I was in an absolute foul mood for hours after. My wife knew i was pissed. I always get like that when i can’t finish the workouts.
I asked her to not start a fight, because this was on me. That me not finishing a wo its my problem and I would deal with it and will not to take it on her or the kids.
As parents/spouses we need to realize than most of us are not pros and missing a day will not make or break anything (there is absolutely nothing to break, because only you care and it really matters at the end of the day). family should always come first no matter how you feel, and you should not let your feeling get in the way.
3 Likes
Yep, we had a birthday weekend here as well. We went camping at a spot that I love to mountain bike at, so of course I figured I’d “sneak one in” - well that didn’t go as planned, I was just needed at the camp site pretty much the entire time and that was OK. Rather than force the issue I gave up a weekend of riding for my kiddo, which happens frequently enough. I prioritize his well being and me being on my bike for half a day while he’s at grandmas and too much screen time doesn’t work for my guilt issues. I’ve learned I’d rather just get slower than missing out on him. That said, I need to tip the balance back towards some personal maintenance and self care, I do hope to find the time and desire to train seriously again some day…
Congratulations @velopiano !!!
3 Likes
I have 3 kids… 1.5, 3, and 11. I’ve found that I really have to just adapt to their lifestyles and ride when it is convenient to my wife.
Nap time worked pretty well for me for a while. Saturday and Sunday afternoons I could get longer rides in and do the hour trainer rides after bedtime during the week.
Now my 3 year old naps less frequent so my rides are 95% after 8:30 at night. I’m not a morning workout person so I gave up trying to do them in the mornings. Actually bought some nice lights and do some of the endurance rides outside as well.
Long story short just make the most of your time when everyone else is asleep. No matter what time of the day that may be.
2 Likes
Does anyone ever think about exercise as an addiction? I understand that exercise has health benefits and can be really positive for individuals and families, but I also am getting the sense that for many it can easily slip into something a little more sinister that can have negative outcomes. I really wouldn’t want that for myself or anyone else.
In terms of having a family, flexibility is key and therefore skipping workouts days/weeks/months/years on end for other things is just always going to be part of your life. I see others (and I can see myself falling into this) struggle with feelings of disappointment, frustration, and a lower mental outlook when they have to skip a workout, which then can affect everything else they do. This sounds like how addiction is classified, no?
I guess flexibility is one thing, but also being able to feel mentally positive about this flexibility is another and that seems to be key. To actually feel good about deciding to forgo a workout (or many) to attend to other parts of you life that are just as important. I think that’s the part that many people struggle with. I sense that folks will skip a workout but then in their head are still thinking about how they can make up for it, or how they can make sure it doesn’t happen again (it will), or are feeling like crap about it. Flexibility shouldn’t be seen as an exception but really just part of living a diverse life.
It is so easy to get into this obsessive cycle over training and working out and to then see everything outside of that as a distraction, that just seems really sad to me and I wonder if others can relate.
8 Likes
absolutely. It’s not inherently as harmful as many other additions, but taken to the extreme can and does cause disfunction. I think many of us are addicted to everything from the chemicals associated with hard training, gear and bike acquisition, the rush of racing, and numerous other aspects of sport. It can be a very positive thing, but must be managed like any other endeavor. Doing my best over here. I’m able to keep family first, but I’d be lying if I said I currently care about cycling less than my career— which is not good for my family, since I’m the sole breadwinner at the moment. Working on it.
3 Likes
It is absolutely an addiction, I am 100% exercise addicted. My mood drops, my energy drops when I dont do it. Far better addiction than many though. I tend to fall on the side of life with the balance, but then my riding happens outside of family time for the most part, so I dont often have to make the choice one way or the other. When I do I always go the family side. My kids are young, they wont be young for long in the grand scheme of things. I will try to make the most of it while I can
Even so I still managed 14,000km last year
I have had two female co-workers who were exercise addicted which was complimentary to some kind of eating disorder. One would spend 7 hours a week on an elliptical and eat an ultra low calorie diet (lots of rice cakes). She didn’t even look healthy. The other one had a similar MO but she ate healthy and while thin was generally healthy. Hitting the gym every day and eating salads sounds horrible to me.
I don’t think I’m addicted to cycling but at least it’s a sport I partake in as opposed to spending time on an elliptical or treadmill like a rat. I’m also into the hardware, training, exercise physiology, and I follow the sport on the pro road side. It’s a hobby I love.
My primary motivation now is feeling physically younger than my 55 years. I was fat in my 40s and putting too much of my life into my job. I don’t want to go back to that.
3 Likes
Crazy. You really would have lost nothing by taking those days off. If you don’t feel you can take time off for your kids birthdays then you’re doing it wrong. Take the time off then use the break to be super motivated for the next sessions.
3 Likes
Totally agree. Since I bought my powermeter and registered to TR I’ve been an addict for more than 3 years.
Achieve better performance and do my best on the bike became my main motivation in life.
And with this mindset as a 22-25 yo I started to cut some social activites out of that training bubble. First, night life, zero. Then weekends are perfect for real long rides so, I couldnt do other cool activities.
Hours ramped up, from 6-7h /week consistent at the beggining to 17-19h this last months. My training prescription (polarized) helped at the beggining (less anxiety to fail workouts, able to recover) but not much room to train with other people because I wanted to respect these recovery and Z2 numbers and also my intervals had to be done in a proper climb otherwise I couldnt respect workouts.
Only was able to share long long rides with other people, apart from that I became a lonely wolf.
Worst thing when I had a bad day plus had to stay 1-2h more at the work due some problems plus had a 4x16 min at 100-105% FTP. Or things out of your schedule that get in conflict with your workouts, like weeks of really bad weather, or meetings. That anxiety and the feeling of all your work is lost or the fear of loosing fitness is shit.
At some point I found time of nowhere to train, but with time then you start to think everything and everyone is acting or trying to male you miss your workouts, and you get demotivated when this starts to be very common. This spring’s been my mental boom, stagnated with training, had difficulty managing hunger and weight, when had proper numbers, had to cut back intensity, then when again reaching peak numbers, covid and a big drop of fitness with less than 1 month left to my main event.
Stayed away from the bike one week and didnt know if I wanted to ride it again. Like I lost my pseudo athlete identity and I felt so empty, and nothing had a meaning for some days, even weeks.
Now riding like 8h/week for pure pleasure, and trying to fall in love with roads again. today did 32km and spent half of the morning in the bar with two fellas. I would have felt like I lost one day back when in that mood, but idc now.
Sure I’d would like to have my watts back in a future and do some structured training but not if that implies getting mad every now and then due some stupid impredictible shit.
2 Likes
I echo these feelings and thoughts. I also focused too much on results and numbers and have selfishly revolved my life around the bike. I rarely enjoy riding anymore and often feel it’s a chore. I assume this might be my last year of competitive cycling now that my child is three and wants daddy’s attention. It’s definitely a hard pill to swallow but it will be the best choice for me.
1 Like
I had a sad thought - nobody else gives a crap about our training, fitness, or whether we will hit those key workouts this week.
My wife knows I love to ride and is glad that I’m fit and healthy but the rest of the details are beyond her. She doesn’t even realize how serious I am about training.
She doesn’t care if I can get in 3 hours per week or 12. She’d probably prefer if it was closer to 3. She doesn’t care about intervals, optimizing workouts, my power duration chart or my FTP.
All this training exists in a vacuum in my own mind shared with a couple of training partners and thousands of like minded strangers on the internet.
If I stopped training, would anyone notice? I sometimes notice on Strava when an acquaintance’s account goes dark. WTF happened? They went from being a hard hitter, riding 7k miles per year to zero. Is their new non-training life better? Were they hit by a car? Or traded in the bike for cross fit at the gym?
15 Likes
I mean… You are not wrong. But it’s not sad, it just life.
The good thing about having a coach, is that there is at least one person who likes to analyse my rides,
4 Likes
They don’t…it’s just profitable to do so! 
3 Likes
As long as they pretend to enjoy it, it’s fine with me,
3 Likes
So true.
Sometimes I try to look myself in third person, why I train 16-18h and and do all this efforts and sacrifice?
For a race, a goal? At 4 w/kg I can not even be competitive at any local amateur event.
I always told myself it only was about beeing competitive with myself and beat my old version of me every year. Beeing faster.
But realized that when you only live obsessed with gaining performance, happens the same with money, never is enough. It’s only fullfilling for a while and you need more.
Training is beautiful but it’s too easy to take it too much seriously
5 Likes
I used to feel exactly the same about this. I wanted to be a better faster me. Then I got really close to 4w/kg and I really wanted to hit that arbitrary goal because bigger numbers look nice dont they.
Then I had my second child and while I do want to hit goals its more about the why I do the work. I was already on what the minimum I thought I could do to be happy but weekends became problematic. I couldnt even get out to the garage for an hour and a half without feeling guilty that my partner was in with the kids. It wasn’t even that she was putting a guilt trip on me, she was 100% supportive, it was entirely internal. So I knocked the planned weekend rides on the head and I do 2 rides and 2 runs in my lunch times.
Am I as fast as I could be? 100% no. Am I much happier than before. 100% yes. Do I enjoy training all the time as a result. Again, yes. Am I pretty much near my PBs in both running and cycling? Yeah actually I am not that far off. Close enough that with a bit of effort (probably would take the form of changing the training plan and doing a bit more) I could get a PB. I have no intention of changing anything at this point but its nice to know that if I did I have laid myself a base of fitness to launch off in this stupidly busy life period.
8 Likes