Anxiety and depression

63

Hi all, seems like I hit another phase of depression recently. The first one has been around eight years ago and for the last five years I was doing fine.

Now with the ongoing covid situation things were not going well for the last three months. Work has piled up due to shutdown here in Germany and I ran out of energy at the beginning of the year. I found myself constantly tired, moody and not able to concentrate on work or recover from work stress over the weekend. Four weeks ago I went to see a doctor. A blood test was fine, blood pressure was a bit higher than normal, which scared me and made me running around nervously from time to time. The doctor took me off from work and suggested to see a therapist.

Riding and racing my bike has always been a huge help for me to overcome fears and anxiety. I feel I gained confidence also in everyday life. It helps a lot to have something that brings fun and keeps me distracted from negative things and thoughts.

I try to keep training right now to keep the structure even all events in spring/summer are beeing cancelled. Besites that there are not many distractions as all restaurants, cinemas, gymns are still closed and contacts are restricded. So I just try to enjoy riding the bike, doing strength and mobility work. I spent more time hiking and walking together with my wife.

I also started to use the headspace app that was recommended in the thread in adition to relaxiation excercises.

7 Likes
64

Im really sorry to hear that, im currently supporting a friend going through similar. It truly is a battle.

I totally agree that the headspace app is great, I use the netflix headspace almost every day and encourage others to aswell. There is one episode on pain and it worked amazing at stopping my anxiety in its tracks.

Unfortunately for me the anxiety returned with a vengance. I wasnt allowed any diazepam etc and was put back on citralopram. This time it was so bad had to take a month off from work. I was upped to 30mg and after 2 months i evened out.

I tried edibles for a while at quite high amounts (up to 200mg thc) and it had zero effect on me.

I have for past month tried a full spectrum cbd oil and can tell a difference. Feel a little calmer and more normal. BUT I have had chronic pain in my knees for months and within 2 days on cbd oil bam completely gone!

1 Like
65

I hear you. I was doing fine through all this beer-virus - then hit what I thought was my normal wall in early November. Normally a couple of weeks off and I am ready to go again. Nope! Took weeks before I could sit on the bike (on rollers) for more than 10 minutes.

I can tell the depression is hitting hard too. Still can’t train. I am exercising - but not training. Zero desire to race. None. My family does not know what to make of that. (been doing it solidly for 10+ years). I focus on getting up, getting some sort of exercise in, doing my job at work and with the family (I focus on taking care of them), and not losing my mind.

When it starts to get a little warmer, I can run at O’dark-thirty outside. No way will I dreadmill at that hour. Ick. That should help. Hopefully non-sufferfest group rides will happen again soon too.

This - enjoy the time with your wife.

1 Like
66

Hi Thorstan
Good that your jumping in here, getting your thoughts and feelings down in writing can be a great help. Did you get to see a therapist ?

Had posted above about the Thrive program I went through, it was the first thing that put me on the path to good mental health or perhaps a better description would be that it gave me the tools to correctly manage how I manage my thoughts and feelings to situations and events.

For me it highlighted so much negativity in my thinking, speech and how I behaved. It did take several months of following the steps and tasks in the program, writing down your feelings and thoughts daily, recognising the positive things no matter how small and making a point of celebrating them.
It took some effort to reverse years of negativity that I had no clue was going on.
During one conversation with the Thrive coach about how I reacted to situations and how I spoke to myself ( we all have that internal voice) he said " basically you’ve been bullying yourself, why would you do that"
Hope you find your route to contentment

1 Like
67

Nur keinen stress🤪 klingt blöd.
War letztes Jahr im burnout/Depression, genau zu der Zeit.
Falls du Medikamente nimmst, die brauchen ein bißchen Zeit.
Headspace hilft, zwar subtil, aber es hilft.
Und bald kommt der Frühling, mit mehr Licht - geh hinaus!
Gute Besserung

1 Like
69

I think having underlying conditions can exacerbate anxiety and add a complexity that many can’t understand. I am still on 30mg Citalopram and feel 90% normal. Switched CBD oil which even though is stronger has been less effective. Diet and exercise have been a massive help but I have found Unmind app do a foundations to mental health course about 10 hours long that’s been excellent.

It’s funny I broke my ribs 6 weeks ago and it’s been hell I’ve told everyone I know how bad it’s been and everything about it but only told a few people about my mental health issues even though I would say that has been more painful and a bigger deal. The stigma around mental health is slowly eroding. Just speaking to people in life or online and being open about it so it’s not a dirty secret is really positive.

4 Likes
71

I take lexapro and have for years. I believe I am at max dosage of 25mg a day

I don’t really remember much impacts but it was years back I was working with a human coach at the time and really don’t recall any issues.

Generally thou. 6 weeks is an adjustment period so don’t overreact to workout misses or things in that period. You might sleep more - but it’s your body catching up.

If you could time it - start the drugs for 2 weeks then have a recovery week fall on the 3rd week on meds and I bet the timing of high tss + max drug effectiveness would match up.

You be a better human and therefore cyclist in the long run.

1 Like
72

Well said. Similar feelings and situation.

73

I don’t have much experience with medication, so I have very little value to add here to your question. However, I have a lifetime of experience with depression and anxiety in general. Thank you for sharing your story. Just know that you are never alone

76

I am glad I found this thread. I too have been dealing with this for a while now. Been on meds almost a month.
Hurt a knee in December and took some time off… (I enjoyed the holidays and have gained almost 30 lbs) ARG. Turns out a lot has been eating as I was unable to deal with my emotions.

This is worth a laugh but it hit me hard. I deliver mail. I went up to a customers door and he came out with his toy poodle as he knows me. The dog was spazzing out so he put the dog down and he took the mail from me. The dog jumped up in the air… Bit my dick and held on until gravity took over and he could not hold on anymore. I was stunned. Could not move and was in pain until the dog let go. I told the customer that “your dog just bit my dick” and I walked away stunned and in pain.

Our office has a long history of harassing the mail carriers. I knew I had to phone and report the incident but also know I cant trust my management at all. In the end I knew I had to phone and told a supervisor what happened or I would not be covered if their was a problem. I trust this supervisor and have a decent relationship with all of them except the manager. We joked about it as it was awkward… I told her I would return to the building to use the facilities and check for damage.

So I get back to the building and the supervisor says Bree couldn’t believe that happened to me… I am thinking WTF? This is supposed to be private… She continues to talk and I stop her. I say I really need to go to the washroom. I check things out and its mostly ok, sore, but did not break the skin. I head back out to go continue my day and I get a text asking me to report to the boardroom and I am not in trouble.

I report to the boardroom and their are 7 people there. The manager (female), 6 supervisors (1 male) and three of the women I do not even know their names. The man gets up walks to a file cabinet and pulls out some company branded socks and apologies that they do not have a proper cup to give me so I should just put the socks on ( my dick) for protection. They are all laughing it up and making more jokes. I played along but was mortified, shamed, humiliated and angry. They had more than enough fun and I left and stewed for about 10 minutes. Then I went back and knocked on the door and looked straight at the manager and said its always funny till someone gets bit on the dick and left.

I told my wife about it that night and she was disgusted. Anyone of my friends in management have said that if this would have happened at their company someone would have been fired.

Here is the thing. I have asperger’s. I have a pattern of making excuses for others in these kinds of situations and blame myself. I told my wife that it was funny and there was no harm done. Well the other thing is it takes me 2-3 weeks at time to fully process things.

About 2 weeks later I slipped going into a business and grabbed the door jamb and when the door closed it crushed a finger. I was put on modified duties inside and started getting harassed multiple times a day by the manager.

About 3 weeks later I had a dream about the dog bite and the boardroom and woke up in a utter rage. I am glad it was 3AM and had about 5 hours to calm down before I went to work. I went to work that day in a decent frame of mind until I started getting harassed again. At that point I almost lost it, reported to a supervisor that I was leaving and have been 2 and a half months. I am working with someone to try and deal with the abuse I have had at work over the years and am now on meds. We have a grievance process and I recently received the paperwork that my grievance on the harassment to do with the dog bite was denied. I have also recently lost my income support through insurance. It has been a trying time.

My son had a new variant of covid about 4 weeks ago and it lasted about 5 days. My wife caught it from him and she is going into her fourth week of it. Headaches every day, lungs still congested, severe organ and kidney pain. I am hoping she is near the end of it. Other than a few symptoms here and there it seems I have missed it and have always tested negative.

Last week I was so broken I cancelled my training and put covid for the week. Then late in the week I got back on the bike and actually got all the workouts done. Its not much of an achievement but its something.

This week is better and I will continue to improve.

A dumb story to share but I feel a little less alone.

Life is a journey.

15 Likes
77

I don’t mean to make light of your misfortune, but this was golden :joy:. FWIW, i think you spread a little bit of anti-depression here today with your story. Thank you for sharing brother. Stay strong

78

Hey when I share it among friends or in a setting that I choose it is funny as hell… To get forced into the situation I was in… well… not cool.

Glad you enjoyed it and thank you! :grinning:

3 Likes
79

Thanks for sharing your story. I felt alot of emotions for you - none of them humour at your expense :heart:
I have worked with children with ASD for over 20 years and I don’t think people really understand just how challenging it is to make sense of the world (and as quickly as others do) for people on the spectrum.
I hope you can find someone to talk to who fully understands your needs and can support you getting through this difficult time.

1 Like
80

Thanks for your kind comment.

I find the overall experience quite funny at times or at least ridiculous. I have laughed with my friends often about it. These are people i am comfortable with. They are laughing with me and not at me. This is a much different situation than with my employer.

I am getting help. Just takes time.

Thanks again.

4 Likes
83

An update. Off the meds. Cycling for health and mental health. Using cycling to manage dopamine levels. Just finished a 8 day 1600 km trip. Have appointments fir therapy and trauma therapy. Everything moving forward.

23 Likes
85

Dealing with anxiety and depression is tough stuff, no doubt. It’s rad to see folks sharing their experiences and supporting each other on this thread. Remember, you’re never alone in this journey! Also, on the topic of Cannabis legislation UK, it’s a tricky one. Personally, I think exploring alternative treatments with an open mind is cool, but it’s important to do so responsibly and with proper guidance. Cheers to everyone here for keeping the convo real!

86

I was diagnosed with anxiety and depression. Was on Prozac, and then something else that escapes me. The drugs made me feel so off that I really couldn’t do much except ride it out. I had gone to ‘the best psychiatrist’ in the area, and he was nothing but a high priced pusher of drugs, and when the ‘drug of the day’ didn’t work, he wanted to add something else. It seemed like I could only get through that mess if I had some kind of recovery. The side effects were horrific sometimes. Sweating, stinky BO, weird heart rate excursions, weird dreams, weird visual artifacts, and on and on.

I finally said ‘ENOUGH!!’. I had bad reactions to some of them too, and was just tired of feeling drugged. I stopped a lot of what I saw in my diet as ‘counter productive’, and started doing things that I thought might help. I stopped caffeine, I started walking more, I started listening to more classical music (Mozart, etc). I started reading more, I sat out in the sun more, I walked through the grass in my bare feet. Sounds clique, but try it. I stopped worrying about people that I really didn’t care about, and stopped listening to the trolls in the world I inhabited. I also started riding after a long time off, and found a lot of trails and great places to rip and scare myself. I guess I was enjoying life instead of wanting to be shielded from it by drugs. Not to say that some would benefit from pharmaceuticals, but be careful who you go for help. I went to one doc who was prescribing meds that required lab test monitoring, and he wouldn’t do any of it. He was a good physician, but was being urged to prescribe by the drug company reps that would be there fairly often. (The drug rep issues have gotten better since then, but are not zero)

I also learned ho depression can breed anxiety, and anxiety can breed depression. They seem to go hand in hand quite a bit.

But out of all of it, I was amazed at the inefficiencies of the drug delivery network. Psychiatrists used to listen to their clients and now are like a gumball machine. Oh, that med didn’t work, well here, try this one. Family practice (and other) docs/PA’s/etc were prescribing drugs that they probably shouldn’t be able to, and were not doing the followup expected/required by the manufacturer. Don’t assume that you need a pill. And some of those pills carry long lasting cardiac side effects to be concerned about for people training.

If you need help, try to determine what help you need. Drugs aren’t the answer for everyone, but in an overworked medical system, giving someone a bottle of pills is fast and easy. Be good to yourself…

And this ll happened probably 30 + years ago. I had family die, job changes, a lot to weigh me down. I probably had every right to be a little depressed and anxious. The drugs didn’t help, I’m just glad they didn’t hurt me, long term.

2 Likes
87

Same experience for me. Fluoxetine + Aripiprizole in my case. I worked with my physician to remove the drugs from my treatment plan as quickly as possible. Fortunately we were able to do so and reach a reasonable equilibrium without pharmaceutical intervention.

Regardless of drugs, anxiety, depression, etc are serious things. Getting help, drugs or not, is key.

Glad to read you are doing well.

-Darth

2 Likes
88

Yes, it can be deadly serious. Not to make fun of it. My mom was severely depressed most of her life. It’s not funny, it’s no joke.

One time the FP (Family Practitioner) said he had a ‘New Wonder Drug’ that would ‘fix me’. But I’m not ‘broken’?

Buspar. The second night I had the worst nightmare I have ever had, and it lasted for hours, and I swear continued after I woke up. It took me a couple of days to get over that, and I just flushed the rest of the samples.

I had the vertigo and sweating from Prozac and quit that eventually, and after that last ‘Wonder Drug’, I decided that I would rather deal with whatever ‘reality’ has for me myself.

And who knows what drugs could have interactions with things that we are exposed to everyday. Medications that mess with brain chemistry need to be monitored on more than ‘call me if anything happens’.

I knew a woman in the '00’s, and she was depressed. She tried a lot of things, and finally dumped her (loser) boy friend, quit her abusive job, got another job in Colorado, and came back a couple years later for a social visit, and looked amazing. Had a husband and a great job, and, for her, the depression was mostly her surroundings. She got into therapy she told me, and was able to reprogram herself for a difference.

Depression and anxiety tend feed off each other, and sometimes psychotherapy (with or without drugs) can do quite a lot to see a way out.

And don’t forget that 2-wheeled therapy! Ride on!

But depressed people, REACH OUT to others. They may not even know that you are having issues. Don’t suffer in silence…