I’ve been cycling for decades - the last race I did was maybe 8 years ago or so. I’ve had some great times racing, especially on a team. I never did like the time commitment and faffing around that is required as it never really made sense from a cost/time/benefit perspective. I got into cycling for fun and that’s what still sustains me.
I have a great group of guys to ride with that have a similar approach, so that makes things really easy. I mix in hard road group rides, gravel days and mountain bike riding. All the guys in my group are proficient at each discipline, so it’s easy to mix it up and keep things fresh.
The motivation to stay fit in our group is to not be the slowest guy lol. Seems to work.
It sounds like you should experiment with no racing for a year and figure out what actually motivates you. Also try to find some like minded folks to ride with.